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The Beatles Were Wrong | More than Love for Struggling Teens

Posted by Joshua C. Doyle, M.Ed. on Mon, Feb 28, 2011
  
  
  
  
  
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Love is not all you need for a struggling teenOne of the biggest disappointments I have experienced as an adult, and upon which I will ever be able to look back and laugh, is learning the hard and sad truth... that The Beatles were wrong. "Love is NOT all you need." The romantic in me wants to imagine that love can surpass and triumph over all.  However, the sad reality is that love can blind us when it comes to effectively helping those in need.  Love can make us enable.  Love can make us rescue.  Love... when used for our own needs can hurt those we care about the most.

Don't get me wrong - teens who are in need of intervention due to emotional/behavioral struggles, substance abuse and risky behavior need love and support.  But, that alone falls drastically short of providing what they often need immediately:  professional treatment administered by qualified professionals with compassion.  As much as we want to believe that love can “treat” a teen, it can be used as vehicle to get that teen to treatment but it alone cannot heal. I am not suggesting for a moment that you "Hide Your Love Away.” Teens in treatment need to know that someone loves them but they also need a level of assistance that even the most caring and well intentioned family and friends cannot provide them. 

As much as I shudder at the thought of disagreeing with John, Paul, George and Ringo, sometimes we need to realize that love can’t conquer all.

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Comments

I'd have to agree with you. No matter how much you love your kids, and they love you, sometimes during the teen years there's a disconnect. And for whatever the reason, it takes an outsider, especially one that is trained, to help deal with the situation. It's human nature to push aside those that are closest to you and not want to listen. I think it probably has to do with guilt more than anything. But it really helps to find somebody that knows how to connect. Don't stop loving them and letting them know they're loved.
Posted @ Wednesday, March 02, 2011 2:18 AM by Jeff
Where do you find an outward bound type problem for a 20 year old who has substance abuse issues? It seems that there are a million programs for teens and adolescents, but what happens when you turn 18? He is desperate to find something in his life that will build his self esteem, something to build his confidence in who he really is. Please help?
Posted @ Thursday, March 31, 2011 2:59 PM by Robin Skudlarek
I do not agree. I wholeheartedly believe "all you need is love". If your child is not getting their fundamental needs met, then they are not getting enough love. Love can not exist when your selfish wants and needs (especially for a parent) come before others despite the hurt that results.  
Getting help your child needs no matter what the cost, is unconditionally loving your child. What kind of message are you sending to your child who is in deep emotional pain that is so complex that only a suited therapeutic environment can provide the essential help they deserve, but their parents continue to deny, ignore, or worse they hope and pray their child will get better on their own? That certainly does not send the message that they are unconditionally loved and mom and/or dad recognizes their pain and will do everything in their power to make sure they their child has every opportunity to become an independent functioning member of society with a healthy self esteem. Parents are not giving their child "all the love they need" when they neglect to do anything and everything they possibly can to get them the help they need AND deserve. The Beatles were an inconceivably sagacious group of 4 masterminds of song. 
No need to be disappointed in the Fab Four, they are profoundly and indubitably accurate to advocate for love being all we need.
Posted @ Friday, April 01, 2011 11:33 PM by Leah
Thanks for your rebuttal, Leah. I think you make some valid points. Loving your child during the toughest of times is indeed the greatest virtue of parenthood. And yes, we should go a bit easy on arguably the most significant artistic assemblage of all time.  
 
I didn't, however, interpret Josh's commentary as suggesting that we should love our children any less. To the contrary, the best parenting can happen when parents can be parents rather than practitioners in the same breath. 
 
Check out this article written by consultant colleague and educational psychologist, Lori Day, who discusses "10 Ways to Raise Resilient Kids in Turbulent Times": <a>http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lori-day/10-ways-to-raise-resilient-kids_b_842143.html
Posted @ Monday, April 04, 2011 11:01 AM by Adam Goldberg, M.Ed.
Wow...nice post.i just go through it. really good one.and i agree with you. 
Thank you so much.
Posted @ Wednesday, April 27, 2011 2:22 AM by Best Boarding Schools
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