Posted by Joshua C. Doyle, M.Ed. on Mon, Feb 28, 2011
One of the biggest disappointments I have experienced as an adult, and upon which I will ever be able to look back and laugh, is learning the hard and sad truth... that The Beatles were wrong. "Love is NOT all you need." The romantic in me wants to imagine that love can surpass and triumph over all. However, the sad reality is that love can blind us when it comes to effectively helping those in need. Love can make us enable. Love can make us rescue. Love... when used for our own needs can hurt those we care about the most.
Don't get me wrong - teens who are in need of intervention due to emotional/behavioral struggles, substance abuse and risky behavior need love and support. But, that alone falls drastically short of providing what they often need immediately: professional treatment administered by qualified professionals with compassion. As much as we want to believe that love can “treat” a teen, it can be used as vehicle to get that teen to treatment but it alone cannot heal. I am not suggesting for a moment that you "Hide Your Love Away.” Teens in treatment need to know that someone loves them but they also need a level of assistance that even the most caring and well intentioned family and friends cannot provide them.
As much as I shudder at the thought of disagreeing with John, Paul, George and Ringo, sometimes we need to realize that love can’t conquer all.
Posted by Leslie S. Goldberg, M.Ed., CEP on Wed, Feb 09, 2011
As educational consultants we work with many families whose children might be labeled “troubled teens” or have had issues with emotional problems, substance abuse, underachieving, or are simply oppositional. Many are very bright, college bound teenagers; they are good kids who have made poor choices. Some have had issues with computer games, texting, or bullying. One thing is for sure—it is far better for this to happen during the middle and high school years than after s/he turns 18. Really?
But what happens if he goes to a wilderness program? What will people say if she goes to a therapeutic boarding school? How on earth will he get into college, not mention a GOOD college? Who will want to accept her into their school? It’s hard enough to get into college these days without having been sent away to a special school or program!
Think about it—how will your son or daughter get into college doing what s/he is doing now? You could be the poor parents who lose their $40,000-$60,000 tuition if these problems aren’t handled now and your student goes off to college with no tools to handle the craziness of college life today. You won’t even know about it because with the privacy laws grades and disciplinary letters go to the student, not to the parent, even if you are the one who pays the tuition!
OK, so it sounds like getting some help sooner rather than later makes sense. But why should a college consider a kid with issues? Honestly, all colleges have students with unmet needs for therapy, medication, substance abuse treatment, and coping strategies. Admissions professionals love to read the essays about the growth and change of students and what has impacted them the most. They don’t need to hear the details of what went on before treatment; however these stories, if told without a “poor me” attitude, rather a story coming from strength and maturity, will make the admissions team sit up and take notice of such students. That said, there are many nuances to both the timing and strategies for getting a child the appropriate help, while maintaining a steady view of what possibilities lie ahead.
Educational consultants who provide both special needs guidance and college advising, are in a unique position to help you determine when and how to get your child back on track to college.
Posted by Joshua C. Doyle, M.Ed. on Wed, Jul 28, 2010
For well over a decade I have seen adolescents able to consider post-secondary options that would have not been possible in the past. We are fortunate to have made great strides within the mental health world, although we still have a long way to go! With increased awareness of mental health issues (early intervention, pharmacology, and counseling) paths and doors are now open for many students who would never have been able to succeed in this direction before. While in high school, under the watchful eye of their parents, many adolescents seem to be able to handle the academic and emotional rigors of college. Some parents, worried that cutting the umbilical cord will cause the child to fail, become codependent rather than instilling the confidence and engaging the support of others at the college to do what they perceived as their job.
The constant level of communication between parents and their children with cell phones, texting and emails was baffling to me in my last position in college admissions. In various workshops and conferences I attended, I was stunned how despite the increasing selective admissions process at colleges, more and more students were not able to function independently. In many cases, there were students who did not disclose to the colleges their history of depression, substance abuse or anxiety. Many parents were fearful their son or daughter would not be accepted if they disclosed these struggles. Even more shocking was how many students and their parents had somehow convinced themselves that the start of college was a new beginning and the struggles of the past would somehow disappear. Unfortunately, this wishful thinking rarely worked out in the end. More often than not the inability of the students to handle college was an enormous setback for the entire family and the letter, typically arriving around Christmas, would ask the student to pack up before the next semester began.
When I was working in higher education I was never privy to what these students did after their sudden and premature departure from college. It wasn’t until I became an educational consultant that I found myself once again working with these troubled young adults but in very different circumstances, many of them living at home with their parents with absolutely zero prospects for the future.
The sad truth of the matter is that many of these young adults were set up to fail. The idea that a college will relieve the emotional and temperamental setbacks these young adults have had in the past is wildly unrealistic. If anything college can exacerbate these issues and I can’t help wonder how much pain they would have been spared if they had been set on a more realistic path from the beginning.
Many colleges now have support systems in place to help students with a variety of struggles. Families need to take to take advantage of these opportunities in the selection process. It is imperative that a school know if the students have any special needs (academically and/or therapeutically). Knowing this will only help the school help the student stay afloat. The idea of not disclosing this information during admission process will only hurt the young adult in the end.
Posted by Leslie S. Goldberg, M.Ed., CEP on Wed, Jul 21, 2010
No, this blog is not about a new concept for a high school. Nor is it about getting intoxicated in the woods. “Wilderness high” is the incredible feeling that participants with a successful wilderness experience feel upon completion of a specialized outdoor therapeutic experience. The feelings of confidence and competence, the feelings of “can do” rather than “can’t do”, the feelings of excitement and optimism… the transformation is simply amazing for these students who had prior feelings of hopelessness and helplessness before participating.
As an educational consultant for 25 years, I have seen the growth and changes in the industry, but the power of this experience 
remains the same. There are some down sides, however, to this incredible sense of power when leaving such a program. Since wilderness cannot last forever, participants must necessarily move on to a longer term therapeutic program, a school, or home. Please don’t misunderstand; this is not a bad thing, but parents, adolescents and young adults must realize that they will be the “newbies” at the next step, whatever that looks like. For example, if it is a therapeutic program or a new school, the student will typically begin at the bottom of the social and academic ladders, having to gain respect and privileges all over again. If they are going back home or to a former school they will have to work doubly hard to “prove” themselves.
A barrier to success? Absolutely not! A challenge? Sure. This transition is actually a life skill that everyone will experience when entering a new job, school/college, or relationship. The most important lesson is that this occurrence is inevitable and the more preparation on the part of the student and the family, the better. There will be no surprises when the honeymoon period wears off and the reality may induce some brief regression and old behaviors. If we are all prepared for this, however, we can remind ourselves that this is, in fact, what we knew would occur and that it will be over quickly if we, the collective transition team (students with parents, educational consultants, therapists, etc.), handle it collaboratively and productively.
Posted by Adam R. Goldberg, M.Ed. on Mon, Mar 29, 2010
Dad was failing rapidly and needed a new kidney. The world stopped. Nothing else mattered. We came together...
Enter team #1, a hospital whose philosophy and practice revolved around looking to our family's decision-making process: "Which of the three sons (all anatomical matches) would step up to be the donor?" "How would we manage the period leading up to the transplant?" "How would we handle the recovery period?" All good questions and perfectly rational... that is, if we were not in crisis and were thinking completely clearly.
Enter team #2, a different hospital team which anticipated that we would not be thinking clearly and advised us accordingly: "Based on our experience, here's what's going to happen..." "The following are things you probably have not thought of yet, but that you need to know, no matter how hard to hear." "Based on our assessment, here's who should be the donor and why." Big, big difference.
Why do I bring this up? It dawned on me the other day that this is exactly what prospective clients are weighing when they are in a bind with their struggling child. In crisis, people need conviction and experience since they cannot be expected to rationalize every step on their own.
I've been there. I'd like to think that those in my family are loving, sensitive, rational, intelligent, and problem-solving above all... but, you can throw that all out the window when a crisis takes hold (even when some of those family members are in crisis educational consulting themselves!).
For the families who reach out to us, they are doing so for good reason. Most have been directed by other professionals or former clients who have been there as well and know in hindsight from their own tribulations that they need that level of conviction and experience to make it through.
In case you're wondering, our family is doing well several years later. On most days, we even forget what we went through. Imagine that...
Posted by Joshua C. Doyle, M.Ed. on Mon, Mar 22, 2010
Over a year ago I started taking a new approach to visiting wilderness therapy programs. Rather than simply visiting the administrative office or taking a quick trip out into the field to observe a group of kids, I wanted to experience first hand what it was like to go through the program itself. 
Now when I visit wilderness therapy programs I usually spend the night in the field with the staff and students in a group. The lack of distractions and the chance to "unplug" from the world is, in my opinion, an absolute luxury. During one of my more recent visits to a wilderness therapy program out west I took the opportunity to visit two young men whose parents I had recently advised.
When the students found out that I was there to spend the night in the field they were rather shocked that I would be crazy enough to subject myself to high desert terrain during the winter season. Despite what was viewed initially as temporary insanity, my stay in those conditions earned me a kernel of credibility.
The highlight of the trip for me was sitting down with the students for whom I had actually recommended placement earlier in their process. Normally I participate in regular communications with their therapists by phone, but it was amazing to be present to witness their sessions live. I had a whole new appreciation for how productive and meaningful the meetings were and felt validated that my students were experiencing the power of the wilderness I had described prior to their enrollment.
The funniest part of the experience was calling the parents after my visit to the field to inform them of where I had been for the preceding 24 hours. It took quite a bit of convincing that I went to see their child in the high desert by choice. Of course, after answering the deluge of questions, I spent the rest of the time assuring them that their child was warm, well cared for, smiling, eating well, and on the way to emotionally healthier living.
Talk about the perfect get-away...
Posted by Leslie S. Goldberg, M.Ed., CEP on Tue, Feb 23, 2010
We have always heard stories about kids saying unkind things to others. Remember reciting "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me"? Never did I imagine I would become nostalgic for that.
Unfortunately as media and technology have become more sophisticated so have those who hurl insults at others. In times past, bullies simply spread rumors person to person. Then they went virtual, moving insults to email messages and texting. Now they're leveraging the Social Mediasphere (Facebook, My Space, Twitter, etc.) and the hurtful content is out there for all to see.
It seems that nothing can or will be held back by the kids who are out to belittle another student. Fabricated stories are published online, photos are shared with the world, no matter how personal, hateful, or illicit they may seem. Hardly a month goes by that we don't hear about the child who took his or her own life as a direct result of such harassment.
What can parents do? Nearly every child has a cell phone or computer. It is our job as parents to oversee what kinds of messages are being sent and received. This is not a matter of being nosy or invading our children's privacy; it is simply a way to know if they are involved in either cyber-bullying or sexting. (sending inappropriate pictures by text on one's cell phone, which can then be distributed online).
Talk openly with your children. Let them know that you are current in your understanding of these issues. That way, you establish credibility as a savvy parent. The more your children, especially adolescents, know you can relate, the more likely they are to share thoughts, opinions, and concerns with you.
Get involved. Recent cases of suicide due to cyber-bullying covered in the media have opened a lot of eyes. As a result, parents, community leaders, school officials, and clergy have jumped into the mix to urgently address the issue.
Finally, keep on top of the issue. As quickly as bullying jumped into cyberspace, it is likely that it will continue to morph into new formats over time.
What will that look like in future years? Share your thoughts and any predictions...
Posted by Hannah Cleveland on Mon, Feb 15, 2010
Educational consulting is not a science in the literal sense of the word. There are a myriad of factors to consider when placing a client; therefore the more tools we have, the better equipped we are to ensure that we provide families with the most viable options.
One such tool is the Goldberg Educational Placement Inventory (GEPI)TM. The GEPITM is a proprietary assessment tool developed by Adam Goldberg, M.Ed. in conjunction with Boston-area neuropsychologists and special education administrators for use by professionals consulting on school and special needs program placement.
This particular tool can be useful even before a family has engaged our services. The GEPITM results provide insight into the general types of programs which would benefit the student, for example: Public or Private? Traditional or Non-traditional? Day or Boarding? LD or Therapeutic? This basic information can be extremely useful in laying the groundwork for the direction of the initial conversation between family and consultant. In most cases this would allow them to start off on the same page and at least have a solid basis for discussion.
If you think the GEPITM could be of use to a student you know, click here. If you complete the form and return it to me I would be happy to score it and share the results with you.
Posted by Karen Plescia, M.S. on Thu, Feb 04, 2010
College is scary. For parents. For high school students applying. For students already enrolled.
It seems that every time I hear a news story about "college" lately, the undertone is fear. This was especially the case as I watched our local news one morning recently. The headline stories included: the stabbing of a student at a well-regarded local university and a murder in which a man shot his daughter to death, critically wounded his wife, and then killed himself. The reason for the latter has been alleged to be financial strain - including upcoming college tuition bills; his daughter was a high school senior heading to college next year.
In international news, compliments of NPR, I read about the New Zealand 19-year-old who auctioned her virginity online claiming she "was desperate for money to pay university fees." Prostitution is legal in New Zealand, and she fetched $32,000.
Less extreme, perhaps, but ever present at this time of year are stories of high school seniors receiving admissions rejection letters and disappointment over financial aid packages and the frantic appeals that each trigger.
In the midst of all of this, college counselors - both school-based and private - are supposed to get high school juniors and their families excited about the idea of going through this apparently frightening - sometimes even life-threatening - rite of passage. Something doesn't jive.
I'm left with such a sense of bewilderment that I don't know where to begin teasing apart the madness. My egalitarian heart still holds on to my conviction that every capable young person should be able to pursue higher education. No matter how scary it may seem socially, emotionally, or financially, they should have the opportunity to give it a shot. On the other hand, my practical mind reminds me that there are many paths to higher education and that taking a path that is well-suited to the individual can, and should, make the whole process of applying to, paying for, and completing college less scary.
My heart and head aside, experience has taught me that college is not "one-size-fits-all." Unfortunately, our collective societal mentally has pushed students and families to believe that a 4-year, top tier college experience is the measure of success. Success is measured by what one does with the opportunities presented to him - not by where those opportunities occur.
As someone who counsels families through the college process, I want to stop the madness and take the "scary" out of the application process. And somehow my colleagues who still work at higher education institutions, parents, and the students themselves will have to figure out how to take the scary out of being in college.
Are you scared? How so? Let us know...
Posted by Joshua C. Doyle, M.Ed. on Mon, Jan 04, 2010
Oftentimes I meet with parents of an at risk child who know conceptually that some sort of intervention is required. However, their heart isn't there yet.
They want to believe that, because their child has not hit rock bottom at that point, there is still some hope. This, for instance, can hold true for a child who suffers from depression or other inward-directed emotions. If that child is physically present, parents can often convince themselves things will turn for the better because they can protect their child and are convinced that, as problem-solvers themselves, they can control the situation.
This is not always the case, however, for a child who is either overtly abusing substance(s) or is directing behaviors outward through defiance or rage. The problems *appear* much more acute and parents can feel as though they have no other choice but to act.
In the former case, if a child is spending 14 hours per day gaming on the Internet, the parent may rationalize that at least that child appears happy and is engaged in something seemingly innocuous. Similarly, the child who is severely depressed and doesn't want to leave the home may make the parent feel that the only place he/she feels "safe" and "wanted" is home under their care.
The sad truth is that, more often than not, parents are enabling their children because they fear loss of love as a consequence of intervening. A child can often falsely empower parents by appealing that he/she will never be happy leaving home and that trust and understanding is at stake. Unfortunately, this empowerment is really just masked manipulation.
Needless to say parents want their children to love them... however, the cost of wanting their children to love them while they are suffering pales in comparison to the devastating costs associated with losing them in the long run.
So, when parents ask in exasperation, "Will my child ever love me again?" my answer can be hard for them to hear. I explain to them that their child will in all likelihood make it clear to them up-front that the answer will be no... today. However, over time as healing takes hold, those parents will eventually see the longer-term gains of building a love that perhaps did not even exist at that level before.
Let us know what you have experienced...