Posted by Joshua C. Doyle, M.Ed. on Mon, Jan 04, 2010
Oftentimes I meet with parents of an at risk child who know conceptually that some sort of intervention is required. However, their heart isn't there yet.
They want to believe that, because their child has not hit rock bottom at that point, there is still some hope. This, for instance, can hold true for a child who suffers from depression or other inward-directed emotions. If that child is physically present, parents can often convince themselves things will turn for the better because they can protect their child and are convinced that, as problem-solvers themselves, they can control the situation.
This is not always the case, however, for a child who is either overtly abusing substance(s) or is directing behaviors outward through defiance or rage. The problems *appear* much more acute and parents can feel as though they have no other choice but to act.
In the former case, if a child is spending 14 hours per day gaming on the Internet, the parent may rationalize that at least that child appears happy and is engaged in something seemingly innocuous. Similarly, the child who is severely depressed and doesn't want to leave the home may make the parent feel that the only place he/she feels "safe" and "wanted" is home under their care.
The sad truth is that, more often than not, parents are enabling their children because they fear loss of love as a consequence of intervening. A child can often falsely empower parents by appealing that he/she will never be happy leaving home and that trust and understanding is at stake. Unfortunately, this empowerment is really just masked manipulation.
Needless to say parents want their children to love them... however, the cost of wanting their children to love them while they are suffering pales in comparison to the devastating costs associated with losing them in the long run.
So, when parents ask in exasperation, "Will my child ever love me again?" my answer can be hard for them to hear. I explain to them that their child will in all likelihood make it clear to them up-front that the answer will be no... today. However, over time as healing takes hold, those parents will eventually see the longer-term gains of building a love that perhaps did not even exist at that level before.
Let us know what you have experienced...
Posted by Leslie S. Goldberg, M.Ed., CEP on Mon, Nov 09, 2009
Throughout my nearly 24 years as an educational consultant, various diagnoses have been known as the "diagnosis du jour" and yet one stands out as having been around for as long as I have been in practice... Bipolar disorder, which for years was known as manic depression only diagnosable in adults, is a mood disorder now understood to be present in children and adolescents. The presenting behaviors and symptoms, typically seen by both clinical psychologists and psychiatrists, are disruptive to school and home life and can tear a family apart as the symptoms become more pronounced.
When children's rage behavior, self harm, and extreme mood swings are at the point that the family simply cannot continue, a residential placement is sometimes the best way to deal with diagnosis and treatment. There are specialized short-term placements lasting approximately 6-10 weeks where the children and adolescents can be assessed and most importantly observed in a controlled setting day and night, 24/7. Very often insurance can help cover much of the costs of such a placement, although one can never guess which insurance plan will cover anything these days!
There are programs for young children as well as adolescents and young adults, with individual therapy, group therapy, and continued schooling in a structured and caring setting with experts called in as needed. In many cases, these extreme types of behaviors would rule out the use of outdoor therapeutic wilderness programs, and yet most of these diagnostic and treatment programs offer recreational activities as well as sedentary ones so that the health and well-being of the patient is assured. As the diagnosis and treatment plans become clear, and the patient is stabilized with a medication regimen as needed, the next step is discussed with the team, which would consist of the parents, the treating professionals, and sometimes the patient, if appropriate. The next step could be returning home with wrap-around services to continue the growth of the patient, or it could be a therapeutic day or boarding school.
The fear of the unknown is far worse than the reality of coming up with a wonderful solution to a frightening family problem. Let us know what you have experienced in either helping a family member cope with bipolar (or any type of mood disorder, for that matter, including bipolar II, cyclothymia, etc.) or in treating patients with bipolar as a clinical professional.